Is Marijuana Tourism The Next Big Thing?

Flipping through my iphone the other day I came across a news item that stopped me dead in my tracks:
A marijuana company purchased an entire town in order to turn it into a "marijuana-friendly" destination.
Dial back the speedometer forty years and imagine all the jumping up and down and shrieking with joy. Cool! No more sneaking around and wearing sunglasses at night (red eyes) or worrying that your Mom might accidentally scarf down all the special brownies before a board meeting. An entire destination! Stoner heaven, right?
But then, with another swipe I was immersed in a very depressing analysis of the impact of all that screentime on kids. They don't go out anymore, the author explained. Don't drink. Don't drive. Don't party. Don't have sex. Don't sneak around at all hours doing God knows what. They don't even leave their bedrooms. An entire generation whose social life takes place on their phones, posting photos and clicking on "like".
For God's sake, one exasperated teen replied, decide what you want! You spend all your time warning us we're going to get kidnapped, or paralyzed in a car accident, or riddled with disease if we so much as open a window, and now you're worried about us because we're staying in our beds under the covers with nothing more lethal than a phone?
I could see her point. And yet, I remember (fade into sepia) hanging with my friends, physical bodies bursting with adolescent imperfections which had not yet developed into adult imperfections or, even better, old people imperfections, talking about this or that, laughing, sneaking a beer or a joint, roaming aimlessly, going swimming in rivers with no supervision, camping in forests, in deserts, in friends' guesthouses, spending days at the beach, the ice skating rink, walking the city, the canal, the roads at night, stepping onto the soft shoulder of the road to avoid an oncoming car, cruising, going to stupid sports events and laughing and cheering, and hanging out, on a living room sofa, in a kitchen, in a bedroom, in a backyard, on a porch, in a pool, just hanging out, talking or saying nothing, joking or arguing, just passing the time in the warmth of each other's company like kittens, and taking some undefinable pleasure in it, and I felt sorry for the girl, that she would, it is true, know none of that.
How is it possible, I wonder, that anyone believes in progress anymore? There used to be such a thing, sure. Dying in childbirth at 16 is, in the USA, a thing of the past, thanks to advances in all kinds of areas. Or, to be more exact, it used to be a thing of the past, all bets being off for the future, given that current focus seems to be more on engineering more "likes" than actual physical health. The depressing study concludes that the more time teens spent on screens the less happy they were, that kids were sleeping with their phones, harassed, in a never ending marketing effort of their own selves.
Remember the tamagotchi?  It was a "handheld digital pet" that idiot parents gave to their small children because it was heavily marketed and everyone had to have one, the attraction of which was that it enslaved the recipient by demanding to be fed, or changed or read to or some such nonsense (nonsense because it was not a live thing but an electronic toy) and if the child failed at some point to take care of it, the little tamagotchi declared that it had died.
That, my friends, was the thin edge of the wedge.
Now these tiny electronic death happen millions of times a day: each time a photo posted on social media is not "liked". I'm amazed Disney hasn't made a classic animated film about this yet (the tweet, lifeless in the rain).
I swipe back to the marijuana resort story and wonder: was this our dream? Will the new generation appreciate it? Will they allow cell phones?

- by Jim Carnes August 4, 2017 Los Angeles

(photo credit:  SuSanA Secretariat [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

see also:
A marijuana company has bought a California ghost town to turn it into a pot-tourism destination by Melia Robinson 3 Aug 2017 Tech Insider from Business Insider

Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? by  Jean M Twenge The Atlantic Monthly Sep 2017

You too can grow up to be a trophy wife!

We've all seen those incredible aerial shots: massive crowds of women in American cities and around the world, marching to protest what they see as Trump's anti-women thoughts, behavior, policies and cabinet appointments.

But despite all this there's one real fact that no one can deny. Melania Trump's a knock-out!

Yes, girls! In Trump's America you may not control your bodies or join the cabinet (unless you have a sex and age change to become an old white man), but there is still one great achievement you can dream of.  Trophy Wife. 

The beautiful and very sexy Melania should inspire us all. 

Not since Justinian's wife, the energetic former dancer Theodora, who inspired Procopius' hilariously mean-spirited Secret History, has the world witnessed such a rise of fortunes.

So throw off your glasses, girls! Drop those boring books! Anyone with a pair of eyes can see what counts in today's America! 

Facebook is harassing me to send birthday thoughts!

Yeah, well YOU send good thoughts! 

I have 1278 friends, which means about three birthdays every day.  Mark Zuckerberg wants me to send birthday greetings to each and every one.

(Elect me President! I know your birthday!)

BACK OFF, Facebook.

My to do list is long enough without adding birthday greetings to everyone I ever accepted as a "friend" on Facebook.

Dining Etiquette for the 21st Century

A flurry of new books have hit the market promising to initiate the reader into the secrets of fine dining. Most of them are silly. Or obvious. Fork here. Elbow there. Don't talk and chew. Be clean. Yes. Here are FIVE TIPS for being a pleasant dining companion, whether in the fanciest restaurant or at home.

1) Don't talk on the phone.
This should be a no brainer. Sitting at the table carrying on a conversation with someone who is not there while ignoring your compagnons is worse than serving yourself mashed potatoes with your bare hands in our book. Yet a surprising number of people who view themselves as "civilized" will think nothing of receiving - or even making - telephone calls while sitting at the dinner table. RULE: if you must take a call, excuse yourself politely, get up, and go away. Do not come back until you are finished.

2) Put away the tablet/computer/video game and other attention grabbing electronic devices.
Even if they make no noise because you have earphones. It's simply rude.

3) Don't eat directly out of the serving dish. 
Put the food on your own plate with the serving spoon. And then, with your own fork, put it in your mouth.

4) Don't talk trash or call names. 
Even though every TV show talks constantly about human sex organs as proxys for courage, motherhood, masculinity, femininity, and just about every human emotion or situation, there's no reason for pottymouth at the dinner table. See if you can tell a funny joke without referring to a sexual organ. Make it a parlor game.

5) No screaming please.
Yes, the elections left more than half the country with PTSD. Yes, families disagree as ferociously as during the Civil War (though we had less weapons then). The dinner table is a time to come together, not stick forks into one another. If you can't talk politics politely, don't talk politics at all.

Bon appétit!!

about the author:
Geena Heart's Lifehacks for Over Fifty will be released in 2017.

The Time I Sent The Fish Back

"Is the cod fresh?"

The waitress, who is blonde and sweet and young, beams with pride. "Yes, of course it is," she says. "Just in this morning."
I order the cod. It arrives steaming hot, with perfect mound of mashed potatoes. I poke it with my fork. The fork sticks in it, quivering.
I lift it to my mouth, waiting for the flaky goodness to melt on my tongue. It does not melt. I chew. After concerted effort, it separates into stringy fibers. This is not fresh, unless fresh now means freshly defrosted.

What to do?

The girl looks so sweet. Somebody's daughter. A student maybe. Possibly waiting tables in order to pay for her degree in nuclear engineering.We are in New England. With clean salty ocean air only minutes away.

"Is the fish ok?" she asks. She looks worried. She should look worried. Still, I hesitate, not wanting to hurt her feelings. "If it's not," she adds, "you can have something else. It's really not a problem."

Remorse. The girl is dying with remorse. She knew the fish was frozen. But she lied about it. Now she wants to make amends.

"A salad," she suggests. "Would you like a salad? I'm really sorry about the fish."

"Thank you," I say, gratefully. Glad for the both of us.

5 great tips for turning 55

Aging, especially for women, brings challenges. But also rewards. Here are five great tips for enjoying life after 55.

1) Your children should not only be cooking for themselves, but also, occasionally, for you.

2)  You will almost always sleep better and wake up feeling brighter if you eat little or nothing after 6pm

3)  If you do not know how to blow dry your hair attractively, now is a good time to learn.

4)  Unless you work in a dry cleaner, laundry is not your job. It is time to let family members in on the secret.

5)  If you are hoping for a promotion at work, don't wait any longer to speak to the the boss about it.

Have tips you want to share? Add them to the comments...


about the author:
Geena Heart's Lifehacks for Over Fifty will be released in 2017.

Trump Experts Interview Each Other

It's always interesting to listen to what the experts have to say. Following Donald Trump's win in the presidential elections, May Shroom, Professor of Political Sophistry at Expensive University interrogates Banan A Peel, CEO of Dark Money Think Tank.

Banon A Peel: Trump. Well, well. Didn't see that one coming, now, did you?

May Shroom: Actually Banon, our models showed Trump losing the popular vote, and we were dead on right about that.

BAP: Congratulations. Now that The Donald is President Elect, what insight can you give us into his goals?

MS: The main goal - to get revenge on all those comics who made fun of him - that's been achieved. President Obama and Seth Meyers are probably pretty much regretting those jokes they made now.

But is revenge a clear enough guideline by which to pilot a country in the 21st century?

Certainly. Especially coupled with profit. I'd be surprised if The Donald didn't make some pretty fantastic returns on this investment.
"Revenge and profit" is, by the way, a much easier doctrine to understand than "Monroe" or "Containment".

Trump's just joking about throwing Clinton in jail and silencing the press, isn't he?

Remember that game show, The Price Is Right? The climax was always that moment when the contestant had to decide to risk everything in order to see what was behind the curtain. I think that about sums up the situation today.

Hey Carol Merrill, what's behind door number three! Loved that show! So you're saying that America just voted out of curiosity to see what might be hidden behind the curtain?

A people gets bored. A people gets tired of blenders and sensible shoes. A people wants a little excitement. That's why we skydive and take ecstasy. Which is a pretty good description of what we just did.

But did we do it? What about those who say "it was the Russians wot done it"?

Lenin once said that capitalists would sell you the rope to hang them with. That's why he will make such a great Secretary of State.

I thought Trump named Tillerson?

Right, right. I get them confused. There was also some talk about Carly "The Face" Fiorina.

What is the place of Christianity in this administration? Is Trump as religious as he looks?

Absolutely. Christianity occupies a prime place in the Trump administration, like in Elmer Gantry

Wall Street has greeted the election of Trump with enthusiasm. The Dow has been hitting record highs. Is that because they are convinced he will be a good manager?

Ha ha. That's a good one. They've just blown off the doors and window and there's self driving cars and drones to spirit the stuff away.  Ever heard of the ransacking of Rome? Totally small potatoes compared to what is coming.

Grand olde dame

The heroine of this fine novel is in her seventies 

Readers will come to love feisty Charlotte “Muddy” Rewis who, despite the bad news in the world, triumphs by making a difference in her own way.

Chock full of humor…a beautiful story that makes you feel like you have been transported back to small town America.

- Winston Groom, author of Forrest Gump 

NOW AVAILABLE 

IndieBound

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Book Reviewers, Bookclubs, please contact handell@summertimepublications.com

Bookstores: distribution by Ingram Book Group and Baker & Taylor ISBN: 9781940333090

Mysterious Tall Dark Stranger in IKEA Catalog Thriller

"There's always a place at the table."*

The photo is idyllic: candles flickering, lamps lit, sun streaming in from windows on three sides, Olga - or Bertha or Inga? -  delicious  in her white blouse, a clean kitchen towel tucked domestically into her waist, as she welcomes the new guest.  On her bare left hand, she effortlessly balances a clear Pyrex dish. With her right she touches (leans into?) the door frame. Around the table, a luminous picture of harmony.

There is the white-haired matriarche from Stockholm. And, across from her, a husband, most likely hers. One guesses a devilishly sophisticated commodities trader from someplace at once hip and rural, like Bergen. He's got the grey hair, the athlete's bod, the bracelet, and a perfect two days of beard. At the end of the table, like bookends, two attractive young women, one a short haired blonde, the other a Magrebine beauty with a crown of thick curly hair. Sisters? friends? Lovers? It's such an exciting world! 

And next to her, standing, holding a stemless glasses, white smile brilliant against his dark skin, a handsome black man. There's something about him. Something special. Yes!  He's wearing a hat.  Inside! And standing up while all the other are seated. Is it possible he's just arrived?

The others all have plates of half eaten food before them, forks and knifes crossed on porcelain. Olga our waitress or other daughter whoever the hell she is - is she surprised? 

Why else would she have stopped at the door of the kitchen, casserole dish suspended in mid air? 

And why, oh why, is the man in the hat smiling at her in that way? 

But maybe perhaps you weren't expecting me? 

And yet, in addition to a good seat at the head of the table, there is an additional empty chair. So maybe he's not unexpected. Maybe she's not breathlessly exclaiming, "Oh, what a delicious surprise! Welcome!" but "Where the fuck have you been! You're two hours late!"

That chair, that haunting, not quite empty, chair.
It's not really empty. There's some kind of rug on it. Is it the IKEA bathroom mat he just bought and is bringing as an offering (thanks for lunch, have a bathroom mat). Is it a coat, so coolly fashionable that it has armpits - what is it?
With all those candles and light streaming in from three sides plus an additional two lights over the bookshelf we should be able to make it out. But we can't! It's as confusing and convoluted as a millennium thriller!

There's always a place at the table.

Yes! Maybe! No!

The tension is unbearable.



*Ikea France Catalog. Page 56.

President Obama's Spotify Playlist

Yesterday, fooling around with the hand-me-down iphone my children gave me, I clicked on a big S and found myself in a thing called Slate which proclaimed:

Barack Obama's Summer Spotify Playlist is Suprisingly Wonderful

This was amazing because I love surprisingly wonderful things.

So I clicked again.

HUMOR: One is for Orange Juice, One is for Milk by Susan Richardson

There is only one thing more exciting, more educational and more frustrating than a first pregnancy, and that is explaining the second, third or fourth pregnancies to the end products of the previous ones.

a humorous essay on motherhood

One is for Orange Juice, One is for Milk

 by  Susan Richardson

       There is, first of all, the classic, time honored method of making the big announcement to the other children. It usually goes something like this,

       “Mommy and Daddy have a wonderful surprise for you. There is a baby in Mommy’s tummy!”  I told them with great enthusiasm. Rock, intent as any two year old in his Karo syrup based homemade play-doh, look up and said, “Did you eat one?”

FEATURED SHORT STORY: Summer of '95 by Michael Ewing

SUMMER OF ‘95

by 

Michael Ewing

The blaring alarm shattered my sleep. I groaned and cracked my greasy eyes open wondering when five-thirty in the morning had gotten so damned bright. I pulled the pillow over my aching head and tried to figure out a way of not going into work. The night before I had gone out drinking at Shy’s with Scott and Justine for their anniversary and had overindulged. Yesterday, my boss, Gregg, had asked me for five more names for layoffs and it was easy to drink more than I should have. God, I hated my job.

Ode to a Nap by Monique Y. Wells

Monique Y. Wells

Ode to a Nap

I never used to take naps.

Naps were for lazy people.

Naps were for wimps who weren’t up to the challenges of the day.

Naps were for people who were less than physically fit.

Naps weren’t for me.

Not for years.

Then, something happened.

Featured submission humor: To be old or not to be old, that is the question

Jane M Handel

We are delighted to feature this humorous take off on Hamlet's famous To Be or Not To Be speech, by writer Jane M. Handel.

SOLILOQUY

by Jane M. Handel (with apologies to W Shakespeare)

To be … old or not to be … old, that is the question

Whether tis nobler to stick around longer even if you’ve lost the plot

To carry on battling with your arm in a sling or the wheelchair of outrageous agedness

Or to throw in the towel, give-up and bugger off.

To die, to sleep. To be no more

And by this sleep end the fear of heart attack and the thousand bumps and shocks that wrinkled flesh is prone to.  It is a very tempting quick fix

To die, to sleep, To sleep, perchance to dream – oh shit – there’s the rub

WRITERS BLOGGERS : CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS FOR A UNIQUE ANTHOLOGY

For the anthology Mature Women's Guide to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, we are calling for submissions from authors and artists from around the world.

Contribute to a unique anthology about the needs, desires, challenges and strategies of older women. Humor. Fiction. Non-fiction. Short story. Serious essays. Funny observations. Scandalous Advice. Letters. Tips. Confessions. How-to. How NOT to. No topics off limits.
Submissions from men and offspring welcome. All texts will be considered. No entry fee.
http://womensguidetohappiness.blogspot.com/
You have lived. You have learned. Share your wisdom and advice.
Fiction, non-fiction, memoir, poetry - all forms considered.

There are no rules, no fees, no prize - other than inclusion in the anthology.
DEADLINE FOR FIRST BATCH OF SUBMISSIONS: APRIL 30, 2014 (CLOSED)

DEADLINE FOR SECOND BATCH OF SUBMISSIONS: OCTOBER 31, 2016 (NOW OPEN)

Submissions guidelines:
Please put your submission in the body of the email with your name (or pseudonym) and contact information.

Send to womensguidetohappiness   AT      gmail.com