Tuesday, January 24, 2017

You too can grow up to be a trophy wife!

We've all seen those incredible aerial shots: massive crowds of women in American cities and around the world, marching to protest what they see as Trump's anti-women thoughts, behavior, policies and cabinet appointments.

Mature Women's Guide to Happiness Name

But despite all this there's one real fact that no one can deny. Melania Trump's a knock-out!

Yes, girls! In Trump's America you may not control your bodies or join the cabinet (unless you have a sex and age change to become an old white man), but there is still one great achievement you can dream of.  Trophy Wife. 

The beautiful and very sexy Melania should inspire us all. 

Not since Justinian's wife, the energetic former dancer Theodora, who inspired Procopius' hilariously mean-spirited Secret History, has the world witnessed such a rise of fortunes.

So throw off your glasses, girls! Drop those boring books! Anyone with a pair of eyes can see what counts in today's America! 




Sunday, January 22, 2017

Five Film and Book Cult Classics For the Trump Era

Yes, the world is ending. But that's no reason not to laugh.


Get comfortable with a nice cup of hot cocoa and enjoy our selection of hilarious dark satires for the Age of Trump. From Stanley Kubrick, Sinclair Lewis, Philip Roth, Terry Gilliam and Douglas Adams.


1) Dr Strangelove: Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The Bomb



Peter Sellers (in three roles), George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, and Slim Pickens in this brilliant Cold War classic. Brilliantly funny. 


2) Elmer Gantry.


The book was written by Sinclair Lewis in 1926; the film, starring Burt Lancaster, came out more than half a century ago, in 1960. But the story, of a slick con man playing to the Christian evangelicals, is a fresh as the day is was written.


3. The Plot Against America, by Philip Roth.



What if a fascist who sided with America's worst enemy were to win the presidency over a great and decent man? That is the question Philip Roth explores in this dark novel, published in 2004.

4. Brazil by Terry Gilliam




Plastic surgery, terrorist bombings, angry plumbers and love meet in this totalitarian nightmare, filmed by the incomparable Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame.

5. Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.



DON'T PANIC! Those are the comforting words on the the cover of the ultimate travel guide, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, after Earth gets bulldozed in an intergalactic bypass construction project and our hero finds himself hurtling through space with a friend who turns out to have been an alien all this time. Witty, wise, wacko with more than a touch of genius, from the much regretted Douglas Adams. A book, a radio show, a TV series, a movie and a book again.


Geena Heart's Lifehacks for Over Fifty will be released in 2017

Friday, January 20, 2017

Facebook is harassing me to send birthday thoughts!


Yeah, well YOU send good thoughts! 
I have 1278 friends, which means about three birthdays every day.  Mark Zuckerberg wants me to send birthday greetings to each and every one.
(Elect me President! I know your birthday!)
BACK OFF, Facebook.
My to do list is long enough without adding birthday greetings to everyone I ever accepted as a "friend" on Facebook.




Wednesday, January 18, 2017

My skin stopped itching when I cut eggs from my diet

I have always been able to eat anything I liked - no allergies, no food sensitivities, a cast iron stomach.

But after I turned 50 things started to change. 

If I ate a heavy meal after 7pm - or even 6 pm - I would wake up in the night with a feeling of drowning. My throat hurt and swelled, so much that I finally consulted my GP who sent me to a specialist. Acid reflux, he said. He prescribed medicine and early, light dinners, and after about a year things settled down again.

But then there was the rash. My skin started prickling. Hot showers only made it worse, with an itching so intense it was nearly impossible to resist scratching. Sometimes, especially after breakfast, my stomach swelled and hurt. I thought it might be the bread  and tried to avoid toast (which I loved). But the swollen, uncomfortable feeling and the itchiness just got worse.

I was getting frightened. Imagining terrible, perhaps fatal diseases.

A dermatologist said not to worry and gave me some cream. And an antihistamine.

When the itching went away on my forearm it popped up again on my thigh, or on my shoulder, or my stomach. Tiny bumps that turned red when, unthinkingly, I scratched them, bruising.

I didn't know what to do.

A friend whose life had been turned upside down by the sudden appearance of allergies listened to my story and suggested allergy tests.

"But first," she added, "it might help to try eliminating certain foods from your diet. One by one. Just to see if there's any improvement. There's no risk, no cost, and - who knows - it might help." And then, as an after thought: "And try drinking more water. My skin is sensitive to dehydration, yours might be too."

I went home, drank a glass of water and searched the internet for the most likely culprits. For a woman my age, bread, sulfates in wine, eggs, rice and aspirin were frequently mentioned. I already eat very little bread, and I enjoy my nightly glass of wine, so, by process of elimination, I decided to start with eggs.

Fried eggs, scrambled eggs, eggs in omelettes, quiches, flans - I eat a lot of eggs. Nary a day goes by, in fact, when I don't have two eggs.

Some people can get away with oatmeal or cereal for breakfast, but I tend to get weak and fluttering if I don't have something more substantial. So, just for good measure, I replaced the egg with meat. After all, I wasn't dieting - just trying to find out if I had a reaction to eggs.

The first day I cut out eggs nothing happened. I drank more water than usual, and, without really meaning to (all that water) drank no wine and took no aspirine.

The second day I cut out eggs I noticed the rash receding. Even hot water provoked less of a reaction.

The third day, my skin is noticeably smoother. And, I realized with relief, I had slept through the night, uninterrupted by the need to scratch.

It might not be the eggs, it might be all the water I'm drinking. Or perhaps the fact that I've unintentionally reduced the wine. But, whatever it is, my skin is improving. And I'm hoping that, if I stay away from eggs for a little while longer, my skin will recover completely.


Submitted by Carol Dougall, New Jersey

health - menopause - skin - food - diet - allergies - over50 - women - health tips - living



King Edward VIII's bad trip

It started badly with two days of rain and the Prince suffering from a surfeit of langoustines...(1)

"Wallis complained that she was not being introduced to all the English notables whom she felt sure were to be found in Biarritz. 'I think she would complain more if she was,' commented Aird dryly."

(1) King Edward VIII: The Official Biography by Philip Ziegler p. 230

Monday, December 26, 2016

Dining Etiquette for the 21st Century

A flurry of new books have hit the market promising to initiate the reader into the secrets of fine dining. Most of them are silly. Or obvious. Fork here. Elbow there. Don't talk and chew. Be clean. Yes. Here are FIVE TIPS for being a pleasant dining companion, whether in the fanciest restaurant or at home.

1) Don't talk on the phone.
This should be a no brainer. Sitting at the table carrying on a conversation with someone who is not there while ignoring your compagnons is worse than serving yourself mashed potatoes with your bare hands in our book. Yet a surprising number of people who view themselves as "civilized" will think nothing of receiving - or even making - telephone calls while sitting at the dinner table. RULE: if you must take a call, excuse yourself politely, get up, and go away. Do not come back until you are finished.

2) Put away the tablet/computer/video game and other attention grabbing electronic devices.
Even if they make no noise because you have earphones. It's simply rude.

3) Don't eat directly out of the serving dish. 
Put the food on your own plate with the serving spoon. And then, with your own fork, put it in your mouth.

4) Don't talk trash or call names. 
Even though every TV show talks constantly about human sex organs as proxys for courage, motherhood, masculinity, femininity, and just about every human emotion or situation, there's no reason for pottymouth at the dinner table. See if you can tell a funny joke without referring to a sexual organ. Make it a parlor game.

5) No screaming please.
Yes, the elections left more than half the country with PTSD. Yes, families disagree as ferociously as during the Civil War (though we had less weapons then). The dinner table is a time to come together, not stick forks into one another. If you can't talk politics politely, don't talk politics at all.

Bon appétit!!

about the author:
Geena Heart's Lifehacks for Over Fifty will be released in 2017.





Monday, December 19, 2016

The Time I Sent The Fish Back


"Is the cod fresh?"

The waitress, who is blonde and sweet and young, beams with pride. "Yes, of course it is," she says. "Just in this morning."
I order the cod. It arrives steaming hot, with perfect mound of mashed potatoes. I poke it with my fork. The fork sticks in it, quivering.
I lift it to my mouth, waiting for the flaky goodness to melt on my tongue. It does not melt. I chew. After concerted effort, it separates into stringy fibers. This is not fresh, unless fresh now means freshly defrosted.

What to do?

The girl looks so sweet. Somebody's daughter. A student maybe. Possibly waiting tables in order to pay for her degree in nuclear engineering.We are in New England. With clean salty ocean air only minutes away.

"Is the fish ok?" she asks. She looks worried. She should look worried. Still, I hesitate, not wanting to hurt her feelings. "If it's not," she adds, "you can have something else. It's really not a problem."

Remorse. The girl is dying with remorse. She knew the fish was frozen. But she lied about it. Now she wants to make amends.

"A salad," she suggests. "Would you like a salad? I'm really sorry about the fish."

"Thank you," I say, gratefully. Glad for the both of us.